Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jena's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Monday, July 31st, 2006
9:07 pm	new lj add me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://pewter-u2.livejournal.com/
( thoughtage )
Friday, June 30th, 2006
1:42 am	This song and this guys voice makes me sweat!!!!!!!!!!!! Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off By:    Panic! At the Disco. Is it still me that makes you sweat Am I who you think about in bed When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress Then think of what you did And how I hope to God he was worth it When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat No, no, no you know it will always just be, me Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster, faster So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off (Let's pick up, and go) Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention Now let's not get selfish Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster and faster So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close Dance to this beat Dance to this beat Dance to this beat Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster and faster Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat No, no, no you know it will always just be, me Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster and faster So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Dance to this beat So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Dance to this beat And hold a lover close Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster and faster Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster
( 1 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Friday, June 16th, 2006
2:29 am	Remember when we rode the horses to the lake; it rained.It rained and we danced. We laughed We were in love You kissed my neck It was perfect Home Where I belonged And I knew it.
( thoughtage )
Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
12:27 am	Brooklin Spring Fair, It was awesome, the tractor pull was awesome, and they truck pull, the Dodge beat out the Chevy and the Ford.  Then the friend that I went there with and I went to the beer tent.  I drove from Scarborough and I wasn't drinking.  I met SO many people there, and she was introducing me to everyone.  One of her friends was hilarious, his name was Matt.  I apparently automatically volunteered to be the one to demonstrate that a person can take off someone else’s belt buckle and put it back on.  Guys that don’t wear belt bucks don’t know how to take them off or put them on. Greeting people was either a grabbing of the ass, or a hug, depending on how well you liked the person.  I got my keys taken away by Matt who said that I had to stay cause I was liked by people.  One of the guys tried to get me to drink a beer and I refused, and he put it up to my lips and I spilt it on him. It felt like home, I felt like I belonged, and it's been a while since I felt like that.  It felt like old times.  I missed that.
( 4 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Friday, May 5th, 2006
10:25 pm	I think I'm being selfish because this last week I've been sick, and all I wanted was to snuggle up with Matt this Saturday and chill.  I know he has plans, but I wanted to be with him since I haven't really seen him all week.  I've seen him for a few hours here and there, but I want him to be here now.    He's going to do his hobby thing, and going to be with girls who have told me that they have a "crush on him" and proceeded to throw popcorn at me.   Good times, I know that if one of my friends threw shit at me and said that they liked my boyfriend I'd kick the shit outta them. Fuck, I donno what to do. Current Mood: sad
( thoughtage )
Saturday, April 15th, 2006
6:57 pm	The day started off good.  I went to the barn, and rode, and had fun.  On the way home, I was hit on at the gas station by 5 guys, they liked the fact that I was a girl and that I drove a truck.  It was funny and annoying.  Once I left, they flew outta the gas station and drove RIGHT behind me.  They then sped up and passed me and slowed down in front of me and started waving me to pull over.  Then they sped up and took off, then slowed down.  I had to stop at a red light and they were in front of me and that made me nervous.  They took off when the light went green, and I couldn’t even see them.  I got further down the road and I saw them on the side of the rode.  A cop pulled them over, I guess it was for speeding.  I slowed right down, honked my horn, smiled, waved and blow them a kiss and gave them the finger.  I'm still trying to figure out this situation.  My boyfriend’s dad does not like me.  I don't think he does because I don't have any "potential" or something like that.  He gives me evil looks and I don't want to be around him.   So I was invited for dinner.  I didn't want chicken wings, and I didn't want to be around his dad.  I asked Matt to take me home.  Then I actually remembered that I ACTUALLY forgot something of significant importance at my house and he took me home.  He was going to question why were dating if I didn't like his dad, but he actually stopped himself. Here's the deal: I don't HATE his dad, however I am convinced that he tries to make me feel uncomfortable.  I have tried to talk to his dad, and he doesn't feel that he needs to respond if I ask him something.  I mean, my boyfriend openly tells me that he doesn’t like members of my family, but if I say that to him, he gets pissed off.  So what am I suppose to do?  Sit back, take the looks and pretend everything is ok?  Fuck that, I get enough of that from my OWN family.  My boyfriend really hurt me today, more then he’ll know, but why should I be the one that has to pretend that nothing is happening.  Current Mood: sad
( 3 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
9:11 pm	I was a pit harsh on a few phone conversations. Especially to Matt. but.. I feel like I am in a long distance relationship, and we all know how those work out.  I feel like I'm coming in second, or third, to other things in his life.  So I won't see him for awhile, our schedules clash.  So I've chosen to keep myself busy on my time, and not work around his schedule, since he choose' not to work around mine either.   It's been a shitty day.  Nothing went right, then I got in shit for not finishing the laundry.  But I did vacuum the house.   Matt just called.  Every time he says goodbye to me on the phone, it hurts.  He tells me that he "loves me" but not in the same tone he use to.  It just sounds like he does it because it's in his phone conversation routine. I don't know. Current Mood: sad
( thoughtage )
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
10:40 pm	Matt and I have clashing schedules.   This has made me more depressed then it should.  I just hate that the person you are so in love with, is so close to you, and you can't see them, cause one works days and one works nights. Then I'm told that you can't see him this weekend. I guess my worst fear is that the time apart we have, the more love will fade.  I mean it's happened to me before, and actually my ex found someone, ironically at a gym he was going to before work. So now I'm paranoid.  It's weird, I was use to boyfriends expressing themselves through writing music.  I need reminders that I am loved.  and "I love you" doesn't cut it.  I think I'm loosing my mind.   I remember not long ago when I said that I never needed a boyfriend and that I want to be alone and live life free of a relationship.  I don't think I can now.  Not with Matt.   I've never love anyone like him. I'm sick of not seeing the person I love. I feel so upset. Current Mood: sad
( 5 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
3:23 pm	When we made love for the last time, You lay on your side of the bed and I was on what side use to be mine We said nothing We knew is was over I stared at the ceiling Thinking of the one that I could never have I knew that it was not what it could be The one I fell in love with It would never happen again It wasn't the person beside me. Current Mood: sad
( 3 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Monday, December 19th, 2005
10:11 pm	Twas a fun party. Current Mood: crazy
( 3 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
9:48 pm	How the fuck can I trust you. how can i trust you? too much i cannot ignore. too much of you scares me. you still love the past, don't you. I won't believe the answer you tell me. I never will. so why am I still  here? Why, I cannot answer. Current Mood: sad Current Music: U2 - Miami.
( thoughtage )
Friday, September 30th, 2005
2:17 pm	Holy Fuck I sounded sappy in that last entry.  I musta had a female moment. Holy Fuck my ex boyfriend is a cop.  WOW FUCK.   Current Mood: weird
( thoughtage )
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
10:56 pm	I got my rider level 1 certificate in the mail yesterday.  Congratulations, I can walk, Trot and Canter a horse.  The lady who tested us said I could get my coaching level 1 no problem.  So I have to do 3 rider levels then go for my coaching level 1.  All I have to do is jump a 3'6 course and do basic dressage.  It'll be a breeze.   I was hanging out with Matt today.  I realized how luck I was to have a boyfriend like him.  I mean he'll do anything he can for me.  He's given me so much and has spoiled me SO much, I feel like I can never pay him back.  He is the most unselfish guy I have ever met.  It's weird.... I had a crush on him in high school, and I assumed he had a crush on me too, cause he's the one that kissed me.  Anyways, he had this girlfriend that everyone, including myself, swore they were going to get married because they were together for 4 years.  He kinda broke my heart the first time around, cause he was dating her when he kissed me, I thought it meant more to him at that time, but I don't think it did.  But in the end they did brake up *obviously* and he came to me.  Well, he didn't really come to me, he was visiting the high school and I bumped into him..... sorta, well….    I wouldn't really call it "bumped into" cause he was acting more like himself.  "Flattering the ladies again" Which got me angry when I saw him, I didn't think he had changed so much, I just jumped to conclusions.  Hey a lot of girls had a crush on him, A LOT.  Him and his friend Sean.  Ewwww and this fuck’n nasty chick named Ruth.  *vomits* either that or it was me threatening to kill him if he cheated on me.  ( that was a joke) So that brings me to why? Why is he dating me, I'm a pain in the ass.  I have no idea.  This weird thing happened tonight, I was talking about my old dog, and I started to cry.  I think about her a lot but I haven't cried over her in a couple of years.  I can't believe that it'll be 6 years on December 10th.  I was in grade 9; I was so torn.  I wish there could be a way I could tell him how much he means to me, but I'm not sappy and I can't find the words.  He makes me happy, and I don't want to loose that.  I am SO fuck’n spoiled by him.              I just wish I had the courage to tell him.    Current Mood: loved
( 6 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
9:00 pm	What Your Underwear Says About You It's important that your underwear doesn't offend anyone - in case you get in a car accident. You're a closet exhibitionist who gets a thrill from being secretly naughty. The Underwear Oracle
( 1 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
1:46 am	We bumped into my boyfriend's ex today.  Shitty cause I know that she wants him back.  I said to him, "  I dare you to day hi", but I said it jokingly, but he seemed really enthusiastic about it, so we did.  Maybe it's because most of my ex's had cheated on me, our worse, but I don't trust him.  I never have. I wonder if he remember what he wrote about me.   Current Mood: satisfied
( 2 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
12:18 pm	U2 concerts both Monday and Wednesday were AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!!!!! oh and yes... I got The Edge's Autograph!!!!!!!!!!!!
( 2 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
5:35 pm	Does anyone every worry about their boyfriends/girlfriends exs? That maybe you've bumped into them and they want them back and they say that they are going to try and get them back and will succeed because they are the ones that broke up with your bf/gf and they will do everything they can. would that scare anyone? just a thought.....
( 1 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Friday, September 9th, 2005
10:15 pm	Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn. 1) I'm getting my shoulder bitten by Matt right now. 2) I want a Startbucks coffee 3) I just just threw Matt off the bed 4) U2 CONCERT IS SOON!!!!! I AM SEEING 2 OF THEM! 5) Angelina Jolie is SEXY! 6) Leafs have a shitty team 7) I need money 8) I hate Diamonds 9) Female strip clubs rule 10) I hate people who abuse animals 11) Photography is my hobbie 12) I hate yellow and blue together 13) I hate white socks. 14) "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could cuck wood?" 15)Sex Dice 16) Hummers are sexy... THE VEHICLE!!!!!!!! 17) Make Poverty History..... this day and age we can do it. 18) I am Sand's long lost white sister. 19) I need to buy new clothes.. you know, without holes. 20) uh..... TAG YOUR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Time = 8 minutes. sandman08 Damien13 420lunchbox Cloggedsink Miss_Jane Ellstar  p.s SHIT i donno how to tag people; hmmmmmmmmm........................
( 4 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
7:45 pm	So where are you when I need you, need someone to talk to?  Right..... playing games. Everytime you ask that FUCK'N question you break my heart.  You did it yesterday, and you did it again today.  FUCK.
( 2 thought ) º ( thoughtage )
12:13 am	Romance seems to be the most overrated word.  I never wanted and part of it.  I hated it, it's sappy and stupid, and it shows almost a weakness in yourself in accepting it.  My greatest fear is weakness and showing emotion.  I'm afraid of getting hurt in another relationship since I was hurt so badly in the past.  I don't want to give in to the sappy romance that seems to weaken a relationship but sometimes I crave it.  It was so much fun in the past, but I get to defensive of it now, I can't see myself accepting the gesture.  If someone that really cares about you, keeps forgetting plans.. plans that you have had for months, and you constantly remind that person, and then a week before the plans, they ask if you are doing anything, on that day, because that person is in the process of making plans for that same day.  Once, twice, three, four times this has happened?  Reading back into my hand written journal, it's happened over a dozen times, and after four times, I tell this person that No, nothing is going on, and to make the final arrangements with their plans.  So what does this mean? Does this mean this person doesn't care at all for you?  That they remember things 100% with their other so called "friends" (and I use the term "friends" here EVER so loosely) that don't show up or cancel last minute?  What does that make me?  Every time this happens I feel worse and worse every time.  Today I cried for the first time over it, because I really felt like nothing.    I feel kind of like a “fling” or a prostitute.  Action is louder then words…. Sometimes. How am I to get over this, if reminding the person never works?  Where am I suppose to take this?   Tonight I didn’t say anything, when this person asked, I smiled and nodded, then tears came to my eyes, it wasn’t a “yes there was plans” nod, it was that nod that says “yup, I was waiting for this.”  I’m glad this person was driving and couldn’t see me.  I was lost for words, and for me, that never happens.  I gave this person an extra long hug before getting out of the car.  I didn’t want my tears to show, and they didn’t.   Then I walked into my house and cried.  I cried a lot because this person says they care about me, and this person obviously doesn’t give me a lot of thought unless it is sexual.  Maybe next time this person will drop me off on a curb downtown and throw me a tip and said “Hey baby, thanks for the ride” and take off with my heart.
( 6 thought ) º ( thoughtage )